10 Celebrities Who Could Really Use a Hybrid Cloud

10 Celebrities Who Could Really Use a Hybrid Cloud

Do we really need another celebrity list? Really? Really?

Of course we do. Why? You’re reading this after all, aren’t you? And you need answers.

But there is an even more important question to ask — Do celebrities really even need a hybrid cloud?

Well, yeah. 

After all, there’s the public persona to promote — and then there’s “sensitive data” like those private videos they really hope nobody will ever see, that clearly need to be saved securely and ransomware-proofed — just in case somebody gets ideas about stealing them and releasing them on the interwebs.

So, without further delay, celebrity, the hybrid cloud, and what we can all learn along the way:

  1. Taylor Swift – face it – you cannot have a celebrity list of any kind, ever, without having T-Swift on it. Besides, she has been known to make a few direct connections on social media, and a hybrid cloud would allow her to share photos of her cats and her girl squad around the globe swiftly (not sorry). Since a hybrid cloud eliminates  any chance of you running out storage,  she would also have plenty of Blank Space and save on it for Evermore.
  2. Quentin Tarantino – Black clouds may be more fitting to foreshadow QT’s dark humor and touch of violence in his flicks, but a hybrid cloud would certainly help the flow of his nonlinear storylines and keep all the actors straight in his huge, ensemble casts. While his extended scenes of dialog would take up a lot of storage space, a hybrid cloud solution would condense and encrypt the data and save Mr. Tarantino enough space for his enormous head.
  3. Oprah – Lady O has been so successful that she could spin off her own hybrid cloud, syndicate it, add a hybrid cloud book-club, and make hundreds of millions on the deal. O my! But that’s the power of the hybrid cloud — once you architect the initial design, adding focused services like artificial intelligence and machine learning are available at the push of a button.
  4. Mike Tyson – the former heavyweight boxing champ could use a little hybrid cloud muscle. Mike’s famous quote is, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Well, Mike, you can’t punch a cloud in the face – BAM! – so there. But with the power of a hybrid cloud behind him, Iron Mike could go from being “the baddest man on the planet” to “the baddest man on the (hybrid) cloud.” And in truth, with immutable storage architecture (hint: “how Panzura is uniquely wired”) you can’t get knocked out by ransomware attacks or accidental deletions.
  5. Justin Bieber – Talk about someone who needs to pump up his bandwidth! Back in 2016, Bieber became the first artist from Vevo to surpass 10 billion total video views. Anyone who’s had (or knows) any tweens or teens in the past decade knows that those die-hard “Beliebers” hate to wait! Luckily, they don’t have to! With the speed and efficiency of a hybrid cloud, “the Biebs” could collaborate in real time on his new album with all the different artists and producers working (from home, of course!!!) from anywhere in the world.
  6. Any random Kardashian would benefit from a hybrid cloud solution, but we don’t want to help them get anymore of anything out to anybody. Ever. They would like, want to, like, change the name to, like, a Kybrid Kloud and while we, like (see!), love alliteration, we cannot willingly perpetuate any more torture on the human race. K? Nuff said. All humor aside, building a hybrid cloud is the perfect way  to share anything with anyone. All your files are available at the office, in the cloud, and from your mobile device. At blazing fast speeds too.
  7. Lady Gaga – An Oscar? Big deal. Lady Gaga may have a song called “Shallow,” but her technical needs are anything but! She knows that even rename her new album, “Cloudmatica!” in honor of the hybrid cloud’s awesome ability to bring private infrastructure and public clouds together.  Let’s get real, the whole point of being a celebrity is to get what you want, when and how you want it. Imagine all the parts of the cloud working together to increase productivity. Features like encryption, compression, and global deduplication make managing user data as rewarding as winning your 12th Grammy. At least, that’s what I’m told.
  8. Snoop Dogg – Not many people can keep up with this big Dogg. From bursting onto the rap scene with hits like “Gin and Juice,” to hosting a TV show with Martha Stewart, and becoming a Rasta-man in Jamaica (where else?), Snoop’s always in the mood for a new hybrid… Of sorts. Despite his vast experience with clouds, even he could benefit with a solution that would save space and eliminate his need for silos… of information. Even with a 147 IQ, this old Dogg can learn new (hybrid cloud) tricks.
  9. Elon Musk – Why does the world’s richest man need a hybrid cloud solution? Are you kidding? His ego alone would take up the combined online storage of Kazakhstan, Kosovo and the Kingdom of Serbia. He can’t afford not to have one. You’d think that the guy who launched SpaceX would understand the power of a hybrid cloud, even if he doesn’t believe in hybrid cars. With a streamlined hybrid cloud solution, maybe Mr. Know-It-All would meet a few more deadlines at Tesla.

    He’s the Tommy Edison of our generation. And with that big brain of his, cranking out new invention after invention you have to believe that he is a huge target for ransomware. Not a problem when you use Panzura to build your hybrid cloud.

  10. You – Yes, YOU would be a celebrated celebrity if you could demonstrate the benefits that a hybrid cloud solution would deliver for your organization. You might not get your own star on the Walk of Fame, but you would be a master of the clouds. So take a little time to dig into this further. Learn about how to safe while getting more comfortable with the public cloud.

Fess up, you’re thinking we could only come up with 9 celebrities, amiright?

You have half a point, because nobody on earth has ever needed more than 9 celebrities, whether or not they need hybrid cloud capabilities 🤷

But, I digress.

Fame and fortune might not be for you, but solving problems can make you a star. And the bigger the problem, the better. 

Storage, for example, is a big problem.

All those important documents, trade secret files, cat videos, and downloads (you really shouldn’t have done those at work) have to sit somewhere — and “somewhere” can’t fit into its pre-COVID jeans anymore. So, good luck!

If your org could use a hybrid cloud platform to get your data under control, head this way. No casting couch required. Just good, honest answers from a bunch of nerds with a unique sense of humor.

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